


It's all out of love.

by betweenthecracks



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Depression, Drabble, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-22
Updated: 2013-04-22
Packaged: 2017-12-09 05:56:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/770769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/betweenthecracks/pseuds/betweenthecracks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one in which Louis does everything to make cuppycake happy but he isn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's all out of love.

**Author's Note:**

> What did i do. I wrote this on the bus from school whoops.

The day it happens, Louis comes home from shopping to a seemingly empty house and in a way, it was. Louis doesn’t like to talk about that day very often, as it haunts him and saying it aloud feels like it is happening again and Louis definitely could not handle a replay, especially not today. Harry had been empty for months and he often hurt himself to feel anything but the numbness that was drowning him. He’s not sure when he wasn’t Harryanymore, at least not entirely. It could have been that fight he and Louis had about what takeaway to get for dinner, when he and Niall got an apple thrown at them, the day Liam yelled at him for leaving a pair of dirty briefs in the wash or maybe it was the day he’d gotten called ‘fag’, ‘worthless’, ‘ugly’ and he believed it. Yeah, Harry thinks, I am discrimination, a failure, a fag. I don’t deserve to be alive. That’s the first day he takes a blade to his skin. Louis catches him of course, wondering what’s taking his boyfriend so long to change. They sit, they cry, Louis whispering sweet nothings into Harry’s ear whilst the latter shakes under his tight grip. Harry promises, lies, but still promises that it’ll never happen again. What he really meant though is I’ll have to be more careful next time. That night, Louis kisses Harry’s cuts and then fucks him into the mattress, all the while whispering ‘you’re beautiful’ to the writhing mess of limbs beneath him. Harry doesn’t believe him. The second time Louis catches him; it’s after a particularly horrid fight. Louis was leaving for his mum’s indefinitely because of it, because of Harry. So after his boyfriend leaves, Harry goes to find solace in his baby, his blade. Once outside Louis realizes what a twat he’s been and goes back inside and fix what’s been broken. He finds Harry huddled up in the corner of the en suite, a steady flow of blood coming from the slashes on his thighs. He panics when he sees that Harry had had an empty bottle of sleeping pills uncapped beside him and Louis pretty sure that those were brand new. He dials 999 and drops to his knees beside his blood slathered boyfriend, sobs wracking his body, praying for the ambulance to get there faster than it was. It seems like Louis’ been waiting hours but when the paramedics crash through the door to collect Louis unresponsive boyfriend, he realizes it has been only twenty minutes and that he still has a chance.  Louis calls Liam then, keeping calm and explaining the situation while Liam has a hissy fit on the other line. When Liam finally comes to take Louis to the hospital, he interrogates Louis. He gets them to the hospital in a matter of 23 minutes when really it should’ve taken 45 at least. Louis wonders how long it would take to pump Harry’s stomach on his way into the hospital, that is, if he made it off the bathroom floor with even the slight chance of living. Niall and Zayn are already waiting when they walk through the doors, Liam having sent them directly from his flat. Louis is still in a daze when both of them stand to hug him and he doesn’t realize he’s crying until Zayn’s wiping away his tears with a smile filled with an overwhelming amount of sympathy. He smiles back, which gains him a pat on the back from Liam and Niall croons, putting his arm around him and pulling him into his lap so that Louis can cry silently into his shoulder. Louis falls asleep then, and wakes up with a jostle because someone is carrying him down the hall but he recognizes Niall’s cologne and he relaxes. He asks where they’re going and when Niall tells him that Harry had woken up he practically jumps out of his arms and sprints down the hall. Harry’s there but he’s frowning at the air. When Louis walks in, his facial expression doesn’t change. I’ll understand if you won’t love me anymore, Harry says, but please, please do not blame yourself because it’s my fault. Louis heart clenches at the words coming from the boy in front of him and Louis thinks he has never blamed himself more for anything in his life, he doesn’t say that out loud. Louis takes Harry home two weeks after and loves his boyfriend with all of his being; Harry thinks he is doing it out of sympathy. Two months later and Louis finally leaves Harry alone to go shopping. The whole time he tells himself that Harry was ready and when Louis comes back Harry will be absolutely fine. That is not the case. Calling out to his boyfriend, Louis walks through the flat on the edge of hysterics. He knows, that when he finds the bathroom door closed completely but the handle unlocked, it has happened and there is absolutely nothing he can do. He dials 999 and for the second and last time he tells the operator my boyfriend committed suicide. He knows when he finds the note taped to the door Harry is gone. There is one phrase written on the slip of paper. It’s all out of love. And on the night of Harry’s funeral, when Niall and Liam find Louis, an empty pill bottle and the very same note Harry had written just a week earlier. Well, it’s all out of love.


End file.
